May 18, 2009

I have to say that I have been through many things since I last posted. I am becoming more and more real with myself and to self-evaluate. I am humbled by my findings. I realized that unless you are living in the world, you can’t really measure how far you have come along. I have been living in a fort. I have built this fort around myself for protection. I have only allowed myself to interact with people at my church and even those at a distance to some degree. I interact with my family, but most of them live 350 miles away from me. I have friends back home that I still see and some friends that I have here, but I have kept a guard over my heart for the most part especially with the opposite sex.
I have been recently reacquainted with an old friend. He and I have gotten to know each other again and we love and respect each other. We have become great friends and I hope that we will always be able to remain as such. Through much conversation we have learned to be honest, kind, but honest. I have grown-up a lot. I have had to take off the many masks that I hide behind and just be myself. I have learned that who I am even with all of my flaws is okay. I don’t know about you, but I have never really accepted who I am. I have always been very accepting of others. I love people even with all of their flaws, but I have not been able to give that same grace to myself.
I am really excited about who I am becoming. I will not take the credit for this journey and where it has taken me, I give all the glory unto God and God alone. It is through Him that I move and have my being. I have had a really close relationship with the Lord for many years. I have had the honor of going to bible school and to study His word at great depths. I have a personal relationship with Jesus. I talk to Him each day, some days more than others. I worship and praise Him, and I pray and spend time listening to Him. He has brought me to a place in my life that I can look even deeper within myself and really learn to love and accept myself as the person that He created me to be. You know it’s not an easy thing to do that or at least it has not been for me.
We are supposed to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, and I dare say that many of us have not really learned to love ourselves yet much less our neighbor, If Jesus died for us when we were yet sinners, which He did according to His Word, then He loves us just as we are. He wants us to accept that He loves us and in order to do this we have to accept and love ourselves. I know that this is deep for a blog entry, but I wanted to give you food for thought. We are not just in this world to be, we are here in this world to become and I am becoming…